War on Christmas

I saw on TV last night some good news for a change: America is winning, "The War on Christmas". I for one am glad to hear it, because frankly I feel we needed the victory.The War on Drugs was a bust (no pun intended), and The War on Terror is still too close to call. But I think the War on Christmas is really a slam dunk.

Why a War on Christmas? Well, there have been uncorroborated reports of sleigh bells ringing, and possible evidence of reindeer droppings (some say pigeon) at the World Trade Center right before the first plane hit. So, for me, that's plenty of proof to tie Santa Claus to September 11th.

Not to mention the coded messages sent out to Santa..'s operatives around the world in songs like, "White Christmas". Long thought to be just a harmless call for ethnic cleansing, the real significance lies is in the verse, "May your days be merry and bright". This is Santa..'s plan for world domination. His call for a World both Merry and Bright, (or WMB as he likes to call it) makes the idea of Global Communism about as threatening as a pillow fight in a nursing home. Santa..'s already created one at his workshop at the North Pole, as well as at his Elf Training Camp. We must go there and find, and destroy these WMBs.

I think sending our special forces down to the North Pole will be a really nice break from Afghanistan. After a day of torturing... whoops, I mean talking to elves; our troops can enjoy a nice cup of hot cocoa. And there..'s no whore, like an elfin whore. Even the ones that are pushing 245 still look 197: and if you slick their hair back, 96. Santa..'s not hiding in a cave. He..'s in a well marked building. The place has a sign made out of gumdrops on a thirty foot candy cane. It will not be hard to find.

I figure we..'ll have this war won by February and those little elves will be holding free elections by March. Our troops will be home by April. Just in time to start The War on Easter. So lay those chocolate eggs while you can Easter Bunny. You..'re next.

The Donna's

I'm at my third Donna's show this year tonight. They are playing the fair in Napa tonight. More after the show.

Tuesday Nights

So I'm seeing the Aquabats tonight down at Slims in SF. The second band on the bill just finished their set. The opening band was The Phenomenauts. I had never heard of them until tonight. The are actually really good. The second band is the Epoxies they were ok. The stage is being set for the Aquabats now. I have only seen them one other time and that was at The Warped Tour a couple of years ago but a friend of mine said you have to see them headlining a show because it's totally different than being at warp tour where each band only gets 30 minutes to perform. This weekend though I am heading to Chicago for Lollapalooza. So I'll do a couple of posts from there.

Weekend

So I spent the weekend helping a friend move to San Diego. Well maybe helping is the wrong word. See she bought a new car a couple of weeks ago and it happens to have a manual transmission. I've never had a car with a manual transmission. So basically I took up space in the car without helping much other than to change the CD's and hand her drinks.

Warp Tour

So for my friends birthday I took her to the Warp Tour. It turns out it was her first punk concert. We got so sunburned because being San Francisco I didn't even think about wearing sunscreen BIG MISTAKE. By the time Dropkick Murphys came on stage I was so burned. To make it better my friend got her picture taken with the Dropkick Murphys. I hope it made her day.